The Horse Sense Blog compares the nonsense in today's news with good ol' fashioned horse sense

“…I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve.… It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.” - Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775

"The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those who speak it." - George Orwell

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Sunday, May 4, 2014

Time To Send The President On Another Apology Tour

Warning:  When reading this be prepared for an extremely sarcastic post.

Here's the Nonsense:  To some it may seem inconsequential, but we need to be careful not to offend others, even when it comes down to something like the naming of creatures and plant life.  How can we expect them to respect us if we don't show them consideration?

Here's the Horse Sense:  Grow up and get over it!  Most things are named based on science or historical admiration.  It's time to get over our political correctness and deal with real problems in our country.

In an extremely important move the Minnesota Senate has approved a bill to change the name of a fish from “Asian carp” to “invasive carp.”  Front Page Magazine is reporting that they are doing this because, according to the bill’s sponsor, Senator John Hoffman, “referring to the fish as 'Asian' was hurtful to some people...."  The Minnesota Senate is stuck, like too many in our nation, in a politically correct world that is destroying our society.  But if they're right, then we shouldn't leave a stone unturned and make sure absolutely every possible offense is avoided.  Let me suggest that we develop a complete list and then send the president on another one of his apology tours to make sure that everyone likes us.

Now let me see if I get this right.  Most animals, plants, etc. are named through the sciences.  In the case of the Asian carp it's named for the geographic area of the world where it originates.  Some other things are named for those who discovered them.  Others are named because of their appearance or many other reasons.  In the Minnesota Senate they are acting like the name "Asian carp" means that someone thinks the fish looks like an Asian person.  Talk about ridiculous!   But now we are seeing that political correctness overrides in science and we must be politically correct in the names that things are given so as not to offend someone.

Wait, that last paragraph was obviously an oversight on my part.  After all, we already have political correctness when it comes to global warming and climate change.  If you don't believe what the leftists believe, then you are to be shunned, belittled, and disregarded.  Remember last fall when the LA Times announced it would not publish comments from people who don't agree with their view on climate change?  That's a real forum for open and honest discussion, isn't it?

So, we're supposed to make everything politically correct, no matter what.  Well, I don't think the left understands what a chore they've chosen to take on.

Let's face it, if we're going to correct everything so that no one and nothing is offended, then we better not miss anything.  And while the Asian carp, er, um, I mean the invasive carp is known for the destruction it is doing in our waterways, we better be safe and change any name that refers to someone or something that could have the slightest chance of being offended.  Whether the animal, plant, or whatever, is destructive, dangerous, even if it's innocent, we dare not take a chance and should address anything with a name that might be taken incorrectly.

The president will need to head out on an apology tour immediately so that he can make sure that everyone and every creature and plant in the world knows that we are changing things so they will not be offended.  So, let's look carefully to make sure we miss nothing.  

Thinking of changes that need to be made, one that comes to mind is the whale shark.  Shouldn't that name be changed so that whales (often seen by the left as some kind of angels of the ocean) aren't offended for being referred to in the same context as the vicious predators that sharks have been known to be?  

In fact, we also need to change the name of the killer whale, don't we?  We don't want those gentle giants to think we see them as evil killers.  Then again, should we be worried about skinny killers being offended that we might be referring to them as whales?  Hmmm.... what a dilemma!

And what about the European starling?  Are we sure that no one in Europe will have a problem with this?  In fact, Americans of European descent could even be offended so this one better be a priority!

Of course there's the West Indian manatee.  Have we gotten agreement from the West Indians for this name?  While we're being politically correct, are the West Indians okay with being called "Indians" or is it only sports teams we have to worry about when it comes to that term?

As I wrestle with this major dilemma we are facing, I thought about the American crocodile, but since "American" is so generic a term we probably don't have to worry about it.  Although it is probably soon to become unacceptable as a description of our citizens as it would include all the racists (also known as Republicans and conservatives) so we may have to get the crocodile's approval at that point to continue using it.  Or we could just quit calling our citizens "Americans."

And then there's the Asian gypsy moth.  I think we have two groups there that we're potentially offending.  Someone please get the president on this right away.  Obviously his apology tour needs to start right away and this might be a good place to start.  Let's make sure the president bows and makes apologies to both the Asians and the gypsies.  In fact, the term "Asian" poses some real problems for us.  Just look at this list we have to deal with:

Asian Dowitcher
Asian Elephant
Asian Giant Softshell Turtle
Asian Giant Tortoise 
(Has anyone thought about how small tortoises and turtles might feel about these last two?)
Asian Golden Cat
Asian Golden Weaver
Asian Green Broadbill
Asian Leopard Cat
Asian Small-clawed Otter
Asian Tapir

And we can't leave it at "Asian" names, there's also the "Asiatic" designation we find with these:

Asiatic Black Bear
Asiatic Lion
Asiatic Short-tailed Shrew
Asiatic Softshell Turtle

Yes, the president will need to tour the world making sure our apologies have been given and that we are loved by even more than those to which he's already apologized (and we all know how well that went!).

For the African's (which according to the president's personal documents is an entire race of people) we should include apologies for an extensive list of offending names including:

African Black Oystercatcher
African Blind Barb Fish
African Butter Catfish 
(Here's another problem.  Butter brings up the question of whether cows and dairy farmers might need to be included in this apology.  And would we just apologize to African cows and dairy farmers?)
African Elephant
African Golden Cat
African Gray Parrot
African Green Broadbill
African Lion
African Penguin
African Skimmer
African Slender-snouted Crocodile
African Spurred Tortoise 
(Spurs?  I hope this doesn't mean we owe cowboys an apology, too. Especially Tuffy Gessling, that rodeo clown that was really offensive when he wore an Obama mask.  I guess he could wear the mask when the president apologizes to him so at least Barry will feel like he's talking to himself.)
African True Toad
African Viviparous Toad
African Wild Dog

It'll be easier on the president when he travels to Amersterdam.  The only apology there that I can think of is for the Amsterdam Albatross.  

Of course we know he'll be stopping in the Middle East to apologize for the Arabian Oryx, Arabian Tahr, and Arabian Woodpecker.  And he'll obviously have to apologize for the term "Arabian horse" even though I think that breed was actually named there and not here... but we better not take any chances.  (For the record, I asked my Arabian horse about it and he couldn't care less.  He just wanted more hay, but only because he was hungry.  He doesn't believe he's due any apologies.)

The president will have to travel to Argentina where they certainly deserve appropriate apologies for the Argentine Tortoise, Argentine Tuco-tuco, and the Argentine Water Frog.

Oh, and we can't forget that when he's in Asia he needs to make a quick trip down to the north island of New Zealand and let them know how sorry we are for the Auckland Island Rail, Auckland Island Shag, and the Auckland Island Teal.  

While he's down that way he needs to make a quick jump over to Oz and make sure they're not mad at us either.  An apology to them for the Australian Ant, Australian Bustard, Australian Grayling, Australian Sea-lion, and Australian Shepherd are just a few of the needed apologies to our friends down under.

Any apology tour would be remiss if it didn't include the Balkans where the president will need to extend the most sincere remorse for the Balkan Blind Mole Rat and the Balkan Snow Vole.

In fact, he might want to do an international webcast on this one so the entire world can watch as he makes sure to include the blind and visually impaired in the apology about the Balkan Blind Mole Rat and the African Blind Barb Fish.

Hmmm... some of these do get confusing.  I wonder who you apologize to for the Banana Bat?

We can't forget that Barbados is known as a golfer's paradise, so this one might be one he'll look forward to.  We'll need to have the president stop for a double-purposed golf/apology stop when he addresses our insensitivity for the Barbados Racer and the Barbados Yellow Warbler.

I wonder if he needs to apologize to all bearded persons for the Bearded Guan, Bearded Red Crayfish, Bearded Saki, Bearded Screech-owl, Bearded Tachuri, and Bearded Wood-partridge?  Somebody better call the Robertson clan over at Duck Dynasty to find out.

And speaking of wondering, the president probably won't be too thrilled with this, but he's got the big job of sometimes having to handle things he may not like.  However, even though it may be distasteful to him, he does need to apologize to Glenn Beck's family for the Beck's Petrel and Beck's Treefrog.  Actually he should probably apologize to my family, too, on this one since part of my ancestral family tree goes back to Denmark and the Beck family line. (No, I have no idea if Glenn and I are related.)

Well, as you can see, we've barely scratched the surface and we're only in the "b's" so we better get the White House Travel Office busy and get these trips going.  

Maybe if we're lucky it'll keep the president so busy for the rest of his term that he can't cause any more problems.  After all he's already caused enough to keep us, our children, and our grandchildren busy fixing things for our lifetimes.

See, there is a good reason for him to do a lot of traveling!